I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
