My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's rum buckets o'clock
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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