I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
