No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
