Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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