i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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