No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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