My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
