Screwed.edu
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
