I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
