a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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