How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize