dude i'm inner monologue high
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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