I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I died a long time ago.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
