This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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