Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
