New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
