i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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