What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
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WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
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I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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