If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
