The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Shame - the story of my life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
