i'm lost and i look like a hooker
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
