How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
