I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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