worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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