Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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