yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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