I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
how drunk are you?
Several
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
