Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He better not be in your backpack
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
