just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
