I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
