Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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