When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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