At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
