Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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