You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
