i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
