You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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