Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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