I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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