You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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