dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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