i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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