he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Randomize
