I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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