U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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