There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
