Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
