cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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