He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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