y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
