You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I understand Curling. That high.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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