quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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