Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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