every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
