Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
