I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
