my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
