I think I am morally bankrupt
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
