mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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