i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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