If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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