If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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