so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize