Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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