She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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