Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
