Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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