It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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