Fine. I'll sleep in my office
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
