I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i believe in u and ur pee
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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