i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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