I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
