You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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