season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize