hotel room ftw
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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