Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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