Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
