You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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