No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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