i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
