I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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