After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
