Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
